These shows are old, yet My Big Fat American Gypsy Wedding and American Gypsies keep popping up on YouTube, watched by millions, repeating the same tired stereotypes and, in most cases, pure disinformation about Roma. But who cares, if the show makes some money on complete cultural inaccuracy. Bored people, licking the screen of entertainment, don’t care either.

Movies or reality TV about Roma have been shaping the world’s view for years, and it’s always the same: either sugar-coated, romanticized life—noble, exotic, suffering but somehow magical—or reality TV piling on every cliché: headscarves, wild parties, “innate” violence, secrets, psychic readings. No middle ground.

My Big Fat American Gypsy Wedding is an American production, though the show is based on a UK original. In the UK, most people don’t even realize that Travelers—who sometimes call themselves “Gypsies”—have nothing to do with Roma people. Different histories, different languages, different lives. These shows don’t care—they lump everyone together as one exotic “other,” spreading ignorance and cementing stereotypes.

Many American Roma are more American than Romani, having become deeply assimilated. The most prominent Romani subgroup in the U.S. is the Romanichal, a British-origin Roma group. Many traditional Romani families from Central and Eastern Europe would not consider Romanichal—whether in the U.S. or the U.K.—truly Romani. Ultimately, it depends on one’s perspective.

This does not mean they are any less Roma. It is more about the fact that if a person does not maintain cultural Romani integrity, there may be less in common with other Roma, and they may simply become a gadje—a non-Romani person—from their perspective.

In the case of My Big Fat American Gypsy Wedding, these so-called “Gypsies” are constantly talking about being “Gypsies”—a term that is offensive to many Roma—and many play the part the cameras want. They act out the fantasy, exaggerate the myths, and make outsiders think it’s real. Any decent Roma with personal integrity would never sign up for such nonsense. Every replay on YouTube locks in the same false image: Roma as mysterious, exotic, always “other.” The real Roma live—stay invisible.

Meanwhile, while millions are replaying these shows and enjoying themselves watching some blonde girl get married—proudly brushing off the dust of her Romani heritage from 200 years ago—somewhere else in Europe, another Roma is being denied a job, housing, or is simply attacked by neo-Nazis, because racism and Romaphobia still exist.

These daily dehumanizing encounters with the outside world are so much real, that they are not suitable for reality TV shows. Roma face segregation, discrimination, poverty, violence. Reality shows like My Big Fat American Gypsy Wedding turn that into ignorance.

Roma life is harder, richer, more complicated, and more beautiful than any My Big Fat American Gypsy Wedding or American Gypsies, endlessly recycled on YouTube. Roma are far smarter, more alive, far tougher, and far more real than the cheap fantasies shoved onto them.

The Roma people across Europe have been portrayed through caricatures, clichés, and exoticized images—almost always created by outsiders. Whenever the Roma community points out these stereotypes or calls for change, their efforts are dismissed, ignored, or met with extremely slow progress.

Roma voices do exist, but they are so marginalized that the majority barely hears them at all. Because of this, even writing about the issue can feel pointless, as if it will never make any difference. But at least I am not silent, and that matters to me.

Sar te čhivelas chirchil pe fala. ("As if throwing peas at a wall.")