The Roots Of Suffering

We’ve heard far too often that nobody is happy around here, and everyone experiences some degree of suffering. We heard this a million times that we are in the same boat. But it’s not that. We are in the same eternal ocean called life, but not in the same boat. Some have sailboats, some canoes, some are swimming and some are drowning. Some people feel the wind, others just get wet. And that’s OK.  Suffering is one of the most profound and disturbing of human experiences because the heaviest burdens that we carry are thoughts in our heads and toxic energy imprints in our heart’s intelligence. We are not suffering our life itself, we are suffering the memories in our brain, heart, and to a certain extent the unfulfilled life of the soul system and sub-systems. When life knocks us down we have unlimited choices. Not only get up or stay down. Sometimes it’s powerful magic to stay down for a while to break off things like pride and explore the beauty of modesty, humility, and humbleness. Sometimes the best way, if we’re going through hell, is to get up and keep going.  Sometimes the best way is to stop and do absolutely nothing.  It takes time, courage, and lots of self-love to refocus and rebalance. Everyone experiences ups and downs, a mixture of life differently.  It takes many lifetimes to fully understand that suffering is not holding us, we are holding suffering. The choice is always ours. Of course, we don’t need to move on. We don’t need to forget about whatever bad ever happened to us. We don’t need to believe that things get better. We don’t need to let go of our fears.  However, our attachment to all those big little dramas in our lives is the source of all suffering and the result is a deep feeling of disconnection. And some people seem to enjoy this painful state of being. The only thing I could advise people who choose to suffer is to at least suffer well. After that initial pain, we usually start to feel numb. Feeling emotionally numb, or a general lack of emotion can morph into an addiction. Emotional pain can become an addiction. For many people, the concept of addiction involves taking drugs, alcohol, or gambling. Nevertheless, we can become addicted to almost anything.  A negative feeling, such as anger, physical pain, worry, grief, fear, or depression, can become so habitual that we cannot live without it.  Our focus on everything wrong in our life is a beautiful feeling. Unconsciously, we are in love with our misery. Consciously, we are hating our misery. This way we create our internal conflicts and our internal struggles. When we hit an emotional rock bottom, it makes us realize that we need to change the way we do something. I strongly believe that a wake-up call is a terrible thing to waste. That wake-up call is a powerful acceptance, emotional release, and a healing start to our lives. And beautiful things will happen. We stop to believe that we are all open to sickness, misery, and death. We stop to believe that we are victims of life. Another common myth is that suffering is something to avoid or something that needs to be suppressed. My therapy Sky & Farm does not regard suffering as an enemy that needs to be suppressed, because almost all suffering is born from a lack of understanding of reality. Simply put, emotions that are not expressed will always end up somewhere. The roots of human suffering mostly come from living in a mindset of duality. Our human suffering is intensified by our unresolved traumatic past, fear of the future, the unconscious battle within ourselves, social conditioning, outdated mind programming, and recycling the same painful traumas and dramas imprinted in our family’s emotional DNA. We pass on the trauma and we pass on the suffering unconsciously, from one generation to the next.  I consider our mental suffering a spiritual separation or disconnection from our authentic true self – THE REAL ME. Suppressing our emotions, whether it’s love, anger, sadness, grief, or frustration, can lead to disconnection. One way we deal with our emotional pain is that we freeze that traumatic part of us and we put a defense mechanism over it to cope. Living in denial, we’re protecting ourselves by refusing to accept the truth about something that’s happening in our lives. Living in repression, we’re simply avoiding thinking about something to block out painful or uncomfortable feelings. Living in intellectualization, we’re using logic to avoid anxiety-provoking emotions. We are the story we tell ourselves. Yes, we humans are storytellers.  Our stories,  produced in our minds, give us the belief that the life choices we have made are good or bad ones. We have a right to believe whatever we want.  Sometimes our natural defense mechanism helps. Sometimes it hurts. But it is always only a quick fix to our emotional pain. It works temporarily. Like fixing a broken vase with simple chewing gum. It holds together. Our chewing gum tastes like this: “I am so done with him!”,  “Get over it!”, “Get out back there!”, “For God’s sake, it’s time to move on”. Add to this the overdose of stress hormones such as cortisol and epinephrine flowing through our veins, leaving us with overwhelming obstacles that prevent us from moving forward. This is the moment when our mind won’t let our body move. We are completely paralyzed and for some people, it’s hard to get unstuck. I strongly believe, there is no such thing as healthy or unhealthy coping mechanisms, moving on might be not the best, but still the most practical psychology of letting go. Sometimes when we move on, the universe moves with us.  Sometimes we move on, but the pain usually stays with us. Sometimes we move on and we move through the pain. Flying through the most intense hurricanes. Through the storms of the memories. When we come out from the storm we won’t be the same. That’s what this beautiful storm is all about. Yes,  it’s a scary movie.  Yes,  it’s a  painful drama.  It’s a heroic action-thriller if you wish. From the single point of unity, all reality is created by duality. We can experience our suffering as light and dark, love and hate, or war and peace. This polarity is something that helps us sometimes to move on from one point to another.  Everything that is experienced in life is a reflection of ourselves. And it becomes important to love ourselves in every possible projection. To love our light in the darkness and to love our darkness in the light.